Doctors Coaching Doctors – Helane Fronek, MD Coaching and Consulting | love being a doctor again

Let’s all take a Sabbatical – a quick way to renewal

Posted on April 20, 2015 by Helane Fronek

As a physician coach, I work with people who are overwhelmed and burned out. The solution is often simpler and more available than they ever imagined.

During a recent broadcast, travel expert Pico Iyer discussed his decision to move from New York City to rural Japan. He loved the excitement of the city but admitted that living in NYC was a lot like eating potato chips. It’s hard to eat just one. He found himself “addicted” to the fast paced life and decided to remove himself from the endless temptations and try living in a quiet place with very little stimulation. Decades later, he remains in rural Japan, happy and more balanced in his life than he was in the midst of New York.

Dr. Wendy Mogul recounts her experience of withdrawal from the pressures and frenetic activity of everyday life in her book, The Blessing of a Skinned Knee. Having grown up in a secular household, Dr. Mogul longed to understand her Jewish heritage. While studying ancient Jewish writings, teachings, and practices, she came across the idea of the Sabbath. As she instituted a weekly “day of rest” in her family, she immediately recognized the enormous benefits: removal from the demands of daily life allowed her entire family to reconnect, enjoy simple pleasures, and become rejuvenated for the coming week. Increasingly, people are observing “secular Sabbaths” – days off from technology, a day with no plans, simpler vacations that involve true rest and relaxation. In the professional world, a 6-12 month period called a “sabbatical” is often offered or ordained for professional renewal.

We each have the opportunity and power to regularly give ourselves the same gift. True, we might feel committed to many interesting and demanding activities. Most of my physician coaching clients feel their work is never done, that they can’t spare even a few minutes for “free time.” The result? We feel overwhelmed and burned out. That makes it even more important to unplug, disconnect and set ourselves free from the demands and worries these ongoing activities bring. Giving ourselves a break allows us to return in a more refreshed state, often inspired by something we experienced, with greater clarity about the project, and usually with enhanced resources of energy. Time off doesn’t have to require a planned vacation or days off work – an hour or a half day is great. Even a short walk in a beautiful area, a few minutes listening to music that fills our souls, an experience that makes us laugh out loud – all can be mini “Sabbaths” that restore our connection with ourselves and give us the respite we need. Once we begin to include those times in our life on a regular basis, we realize how important they are.

When I finish writing this post, I’m turning my computer off, closing my eyes and listening to Bach. When do you have some time for your own “sabbatical?” A few minutes, an hour, a half day – pick a time and put it on your calendar. It’s as easy as that.

Oh, how different our lives will feel with this one simple shift.

Posted in Doctor Coach, physician burnout, physician coach, physician coaching, physician fulfillment, physician work life balance | Tagged Doctor Coach, medical career, physician burnout, physician coach, Physician coaching, Physician fulfillment, Physician work life balance, success | 1 Comment

Work-Life Choices – a physician coach reframes our quest for balance

Posted on April 11, 2015 by Helane Fronek

Work life balance is a very hot subject. Recently I Googled the topic and up popped 189,000,000 entries! When I first checked several years ago, there were 30,000,000 entries. In spite of having 159,000,000 more explanations, we’re not any closer to finding that sense of nirvana we’re all looking for.

Unfortunately, with nearly half of all physicians reporting some degree of burnout, the need for us to achieve better balance in our lives is becoming increasingly important.

Jack Welch, the former CEO of GE, offered a wise perspective on our dilemma. He suggested that there is no such thing as “work life balance.” There are “work life choices, and each choice has consequences.”

For many years, I thought I could do it all. Before the question, “Who would like to…?” was finished, my hand would be up in the air to volunteer. I had a sort of magical thinking, that I could be in two places at once and do everything that interested me. The result was sleep deprivation and a frantic sense to my life, neither of which were enjoyable. I’ve learned that Mr. Welch is right – each choice has consequences. Do I attend this meeting and miss a neighborhood get together? Do I stay up late to finish a project even if it means I’ll be less productive the following day? Nowadays, when I’m asked to work on a project or attend a function, I immediately look at my calendar. I check the actual date, and also the weeks leading up to it. Do I really have time? When will I fit in the preparation? Though far from perfect, I’m much more selective and realistic about what is not just possible, but what is a good choice for me and for those I care about.

In October, we began a small house remodel. I’ve since learned that “small remodel” is an oxymoron. We quickly ran into unexpected issues with our 70 year old home (this should not have been such a surprise, as just about anything that’s 70 years old is bound to be breaking down in some ways) and things escalated pretty quickly. Each week is full of numerous choices, most of which I’m pretty ill-prepared to make. So I’ve learned to ask more questions. If we do this, what will happen to that? If we spend more money on that, where must be spend less?

What choices are in front of you right now? What do you need to know to make the best choice for you and those you care about? Using your creativity, what other options are possible that might be an even better choice for you?

Posted in Doctor Coach, physician burnout, physician coach, physician coaching, physician fulfillment, physician work life balance, work life balance | Tagged perfectionism, physician burnout, physician coach, Physician work life balance, work life balance | Leave a comment

Finding a Sense of Where You Are: a physician coach finds her way back

Posted on April 5, 2015 by Helane Fronek

Each spring, as high school seniors await their college responses, I always remember when our own children applied to college. I recall our son’s essay, which centered on an experience playing baseball. Since then, I’ve learned that college admissions officers groan whenever they have to read yet another essay explaining how sports is a metaphor for life. Fortunately, our son was accepted to a school he loved. And actually, sports is an excellent metaphor for life.

Take, for example, the story of Bill Bradley – standout basketball player for Princeton, Olympic gold medalist, NBA champion. While speaking to the writer John McPhee, Bradley shot a basketball through the hoop, his eyes never turning away from McPhee’s face. As Bradley explained, in basketball as well as in life, it’s important to have “a sense of where you are.”

I recently attended a meeting where I suffered from having lost that sense. In the preceeding weeks, my schedule was so overfilled that adequate sleep, mindfulness practice and time with supportive friends fell by the wayside. Finishing work and outside projects seemed much more important, especially since I would be away for nearly a week. Several days before leaving, I received troubling news that occupied more time and added additional worry. At the meeting, I was quiet and withdrawn. I felt estranged from myself and unable to access the ideas I could have contributed to the discussions. What might have been a stimulating and collegial meeting was lost on me, as I had lost a sense of myself and where I was.

We all have practices in our lives that give us a solid feeling of who and where we are. Mindfulness practices such as meditation and yoga are powerful ways of connecting with ourselves. Many people comment that regular exercise “clears my head.” Sleep is under-rated in our competitive society, where working harder and longer are touted as badges of honor. In fact, adequate sleep allows us to think more clearly and respond more appropriately to whatever the following day brings. After we “sleep on it,” we often awake with the solution to a problem that’s been troubling us. Connecting with supportive friends or family can help us find our way back to ourselves, as we feel accepted and appreciated for who we are. And then there are those activities – spending time in nature, creating art, playing a musical instrument, being with family – that remind us of what’s important and meaningful in our lives, what makes our life worth living.

Once I returned home, it didn’t take much time or effort to restart my own practices and regain the confidence and clarity that comes with a sense of where I am.

As a new group of students sets their sights on college, we’re aware of the rapid passage of time. Life is short and each day is precious. While our work is important, those parts of our lives that give us a sense of who and where we are make all the rest of our experiences more vibrant, authentic, and meaningful.

What do you need to maintain a sense of where you are, so you can be present in each moment of your life with the fullness of who you are?

Posted in Doctor Coach, mindfulness, physician burnout, physician coach, physician coaching, physician fulfillment, physician work life balance | Tagged medical career, perfectionism, physician burnout, physician coach, Physician coaching, Physician fulfillment, Physician work life balance, work life balance | Leave a comment

Physician Coaching 101: Why Doctors Can be Happy About Doctor’s Day

Posted on March 30, 2015 by Helane Fronek

Today is National Doctor’s Day. Who knew?

In 1990, President George H.W. Bush signed the law designating March 30th national Doctor’s Day. Historically, the appropriate gift for a doctor was a red carnation. Ironically, the red carnation is a Spanish emblem of despair.

Despair…the emotion that many physicians feel about their work today.

Recent changes in healthcare impose a burden of meaningless work on physicians in the form of data entry, following irrelevant statistics on patients, and insurance requirements that ignore medical knowledge and standard of care. Medical groups require physicians to see more patients in shorter visits. Medicare is poised to reduce reimbursement. Doctors are leaving medical school with higher debt, working harder and earning less money. It’s easy to see why there is despair.

It’s also possible to envision a future with engaged physicians who feel inspired, fulfilled and rewarded by their work.

Most physicians choose the long road of training to a demanding career because they want to “help people.” While we don’t have the luxurious, long visits of the past with our patients, we do have an opportunity to make a difference in the life of each person we see. We can treat them with kindness, hear their concerns, help them understand their condition and provide a path to feeling better. When overwhelmed by the long list of complaints patients hand us, we can be honest and let them know what they can expect from each visit, and from us. Our patients need to realize that we are ALL living through a transition. We should stress our commitment to quality and doing the best for each patient. If it requires several visits to investigate every issue, that is reality. Let’s allow our patients to feel some of our frustration and perhaps vocalize these feelings to insurance companies and medical group administration. In order to truly “help people,” we need to give ourselves the time to evaluate and treat our patients’ conditions in effective ways. By standing up for what we need to do our jobs well, we can leave work each day knowing we are fulfilling our core mission.

Another attraction of medicine is the intellectual stimulation, which is often lost in navigating the logistics of today’s healthcare system. During medical school I visited an uncle who had been a general internist for 20 years. I still remember the excitement he expressed about the interesting medical conditions of the patients he had seen that week. In today’s healthcare environment, our discussions focus mostly on governmental regulations, meaningful use requirements, or the horrors of ICD-10. How might our perspective change if we initiated a monthly lunchtime meeting with our colleagues in which we each shared one interesting case or finding? Each day, we see fascinating things while treating patients – knowing that we need to present one would help us notice and appreciate them when they occur.

Doctor’s Day is an opportunity for patients to appreciate their doctors. In what ways do your patients acknowledge your contributions to their lives? With gifts? Referrals? Thank you’s? Each time a patient presents you with a symbol of their gratitude, take a moment to feel the importance of your work. We all deserve to experience the fulfillment of making a difference in the lives of so many people.

Although no one can argue that we are in a difficult transition, we can adapt to our changing times and keep working toward a system in which we are given the time and resources to care for our patients in the best way we know how. And even during this period, let’s recognize that we work in a stimulating field that allows us to help people in important ways and make a profound difference in their lives. That’s something to feel very happy about – on Doctor’s Day and every day.

Posted in building relationship with patients, Doctor Coach, honesty in medical care, mindfulness, physician burnout, physician coach, physician coaching, physician communication, physician fulfillment | Tagged Building relationship with patients, communication in healthcare, medical career, physician coach, Physician coaching, Physician fulfillment | 1 Comment

Let’s take a stand for medicine and our lives

Posted on March 15, 2015 by Helane Fronek

Here’s an unsettling piece of news:
Geneia, a Healthcare IT company, recently queried 400 physicians and found they scored 3.7 out of 5 on a “misery index.” Heather Lavoie, COO of Geneia, commented, “It’s a little alarming and shocking at the extent to which physicians are dissatisfied.”

Actually, it’s not that shocking.

But it is alarming.

Tait Shanafelt MD and his group at Mayo Clinic reported in 2012 on a study of 27,276 physicians from the AMA Masterfile (7288 physicians returned their survey). Nearly half reported at least one symptom of burnout. The highest rates were in front line specialties – family medicine, internal medicine, emergency medicine. Other data shows that 12% of male and 18% of female physicians report being depressed. 300-400 physicians commit suicide each year.

With all the changes in healthcare, how could we not feel off balance? But given that the changes are eroding physicians’ autonomy in making appropriate decisions for patients, depriving us of the time to carefully consider what’s best for each patient, and undermining the fulfilling relationships that give meaning to medical practices, how could we not feel unhappy?

So I wonder, when are we going to do something about it?

Ahhh…you wonder. What can we do?

For one, we can look to the literature. Shanafelt et al showed that a biweekly, hour-long facilitated group for physicians, incorporating mindfulness, reflection, shared experience, and small group learning for 9 months resulted in significant improvement in empowerment and engagement at work; decreased feelings of depersonalization, emotional exhaustion, and overall burnout; and an improved sense that their work was meaningful. Mayo Clinic gave each participating physician paid time off for the group – certainly a wise investment, given the cost to the medical group of keeping or replacing a burned out physician. Another effective intervention was a 12 week program of exercise, which resulted in a significant increase in quality of life and a decrease in the feeling of burnout among residents and fellows at Mayo Clinic. A study of first year residents revealed that practicing mindfulness and self-compassion were the most effective building blocks for resilience and protection against burnout.

Gail Gazelle and her group in Boston reported on the success of personal coaching to provide physicians with an enhanced sense of personal power, connection to their work and alleviation of symptoms of burnout.

In our offices, we can create reasonable expectations for ourselves and erect the necessary boundaries with our patients to sustain them. Letting patients know how much time we have to care for their concerns can help us prioritize with them the most pressing or bothersome issues. Explaining that we WISH we had more time, but will be happy to address the remaining concerns at their next visit, allows us to teach patients what they can expect.

Individually, we can each spend a few minutes each day focusing on our successes, rather than our failures. Daily entries in Rachel Remen MD’s Three Question Journal can help us notice the joy that already exists within each day: What surprised me today? What moved me or touched me today? What inspired me today?

So let’s take a stand for our profession and our lives. While the winds of change continue to buffet us, we have strengths we can harness, perspectives we can shift, and concrete, proven strategies we can implement to begin to restore our love of being a doctor.

The right time: a physician coach suggests we open our minds to new possibilities for ourselves

Posted on March 6, 2015 by Helane Fronek

Years ago we considered whether our just-5-year-old daughter should start kindergarten or wait until she was older. “She’ll be one of the youngest in her class,” warned the teacher. The school prided itself on rigorous academics and kindergarten had a 1st grade curriculum. Our daughter seemed ready and wanted to go to school like the older brother she looked up to. We found out there were some subjects that she just wasn’t ready for and she struggled. Several months later, they were a breeze for her. Today, she is doing well in medical school.

In the office I work in, one of our medical assistants has returned to school to become a nurse practitioner. “Terrible in math,” was her self-described previous school experience. As a 22-year-old mother of a one-year-old, she is not only in school but is working part time and earning A’s and B’s in math and all the other subjects she has taken.

Too often, we limit ourselves by thinking that one experience defines us for the rest of our lives. “I’m not good with computers.” “I have two left feet.” “I’m terrified to speak in public.”

When a student becomes frustrated that he hasn’t learned something, my immediate response is, “You haven’t learned this YET.” Our current state doesn’t determine our future, unless we let it.

Sometimes, as in the case of our daughter or the medical assistant I work with, the issue is one of maturation. As adults, it’s often a matter of opening our minds to the possibility that, although we have not been able to do something in the past, perhaps with time, assistance, and effort now, we might be able to accomplish it. When we purchased a computer in 1985, my first action was to erase the word processing icon from the desktop. “Terrible with computers” was my self assessment until I set up my own office in 1997 and knew I needed computer skills. Through a combination of tutoring, reading, many trials and even more errors, I managed to run multiple computer-based programs for my practice. Still not a technology whiz, I know that if I calmly direct some attention to learning new computer skills or programs, I can usually figure them out.

What new skills would you like to learn? Do you want to learn to dance? Make pottery? Do research? Become a dynamic speaker? If you hear yourself immediately think, “I can’t do that,” gently add the word, “yet” and then ask yourself what would help you learn. Is there a class you can take? A friend who can help? A tutor or book you can enlist? There are few things in life that we cannot get better at if we put our minds, talent, and determination into the effort. It might just be the right time to start.

Posted in Doctor Coach, mindfulness, physician coach, physician coaching, physician fulfillment, physician work life balance, work life balance | Tagged Doctor Coach, medical career, physician coach, Physician coaching, Physician fulfillment, Physician work life balance | Leave a comment

The Gift of Unhappiness: A Physician Coach suggests we get better at feeling, not just at feeling better

Posted on February 28, 2015 by Helane Fronek

Many years ago I saw a patient who was anxious about undergoing treatment. She came in wearing boxer shorts purchased by her son that were intended to help her have a lighter attitude – they had yellow smiley faces on them with the saying, “Don’t worry…be happy.” While she appreciated her son’s caring, I’m not sure they diminished her discomfort.
We live in a society that emphasizes happiness. Steven Hayes, Professor of Psychology at the University of Nevada says, “We believe that the only way to feel good is a bottle in front of me or a frontal lobotomy, and neither is good.” He explains that in our desire to feel good and not feel bad, we focus on not feeling bad, which eventually leads us to not feel at all. We keep ourselves overly busy, overly distracted, and many times overly medicated so we don’t feel anything unpleasant. (Anti-depressant medication can often balance our neurotransmitters and allow us to better cope with our life – then we can critically look at what we can change or need to accept.) Instead, Dr. Hayes encourages us to look at our unhappiness as a “gift.”

Often, when a client is stuck on an issue, I will ask, “what do you want?” The response is usually, “that’s a great question.” As I’ve written about before (see post May 9, 2014), through the course of training and medical practice – or through the course of education and busy lives in any field – we lose our connection with what we really want. So when we feel unhappiness, it is a precious guide that something we care about isn’t happening or is getting stepped on. That unhappiness, according to Dr. Hayes, is “a gift.”

In 2008, I finally admitted to myself that I was unhappy with my practice. Instead of being excited about the patients I might help, I glanced at my schedule each day and counted the number of patients I needed to see before I could go home. Does that sound familiar to you? Although I had been doing this for a number of years, it took a while to muster the courage to acknowledge how unhappy I was. Uncertain what might come of it, I worked with a coach and realized what was missing from my professional life. A few years later, I was trained as a coach and was back, happily seeing patients, teaching medical students, and coaching other physicians who wanted to become happier with their practices and their lives. I love the variety and the fulfillment I get from watching physicians regain their love of being a doctor again. I wouldn’t have my current satisfaction if I hadn’t been willing to feel just how unhappy I was and take the steps to change my life.

If you find yourself unhappy with an aspect of your life, take a moment and ask yourself what that feeling is telling you. What do you really want? What would make that possible? What needs to change for you to have the fulfillment you long for?
Deciding not to ignore our feelings of unhappiness is the first step toward achieving a more satisfying and joyful life.

Posted in mindfulness, physician coach, physician coaching, physician fulfillment | Tagged medical career, physician coach, Physician coaching, Physician fulfillment | Leave a comment

It Just Takes a Moment…a Physician Coach’s simple suggestion for a richer life

Posted on February 22, 2015 by Helane Fronek

“Stop. Just for a moment.”

In our busier-than-we-want lives, how often do we actually stop? To breathe, to notice what’s around us, to take in how we’re feeling? When our yoga instructor asked us to stop, I realized it was the first time since jumping out of bed that morning that I had taken a moment to be present to anything besides the thought of what I needed to do next. When I stopped, I noticed my shoulder hurt, my back was tight, I was breathing – and that everything in that moment was just fine. The worries of the previous hours lifted and I was aware of a sense of peacefulness that wasn’t clear a moment before.

In response to realizing she was overcommitted and overwhelmed, a friend decided to take 10 minute breaks during the day to disengage and do whatever she wants – or absolutely nothing. “It really helps,” she remarked. A client caught up in the rat race of seeing a patient every 10 minutes found that spending a moment between patients to take in and admire a photo of a beautiful landscape helped her stay more focused and centered through the day. And by consciously taking a breath before entering each patient’s room, I am better able to move into the present for that patient and not be stuck in the story or concern of the last person I saw.

I’m often reminded of a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction class, when one participant reported on a moment she took to savor the soft drink that had been her favorite for many years. As she stopped and allowed herself to taste the drink without any other distractions, she realized that she didn’t actually like the taste. I remember this anecdote whenever I look down at my empty plate, eaten while reading or doing my charts, and realize that I didn’t taste any of the food I put in my mouth.

Linda Henkel, Professor of Psychology at Fairfield University, reported on a study in which participants were led through an art museum and asked to photograph certain objects and simply observe others. Photographing the objects separated them from actually experiencing the objects and they were able to recall less than about the objects they didn’t photograph. With our ubiquitous smartphones, we too often deprive ourselves of the experience of life in service of capturing static images of it.

What does this mean to all of us who feel rushed and never caught up? Whose “to do” lists are never done? By taking moments during the day to really be in our lives – to appreciate a sunset, to capture the smile on a loved one’s face, to feel our bodies, and to allow the peacefulness that resides in the space between each of our breaths – we can restore a sense of control over our lives, enjoy and be nourished by the people and activities that are meaningful to us, and make the experience of life feel fuller and richer.

It just takes a moment.

Posted in mindfulness, physician coach, physician coaching, physician fulfillment, physician work life balance, work life balance | Tagged medical career, physician coach, Physician coaching, Physician fulfillment, Physician work life balance, work life balance | Leave a comment

What does NO make possible? – a physician coach examines options

Posted on February 15, 2015 by Helane Fronek

The very sound of the word implies selfishness. Disapproval. Deprivation.

Not many positive emotions or ideas seem to result from saying no.

So, let’s change that, shall we?

Many of us have difficulty saying no, even when we don’t want what’s being offered. We might not want to disappoint, hurt, or alienate others. We’re reluctant to appear ungrateful, lazy, not a team player. Perhaps we were expected to always agree or pitch in when we were children. While there are many reasons we might say yes when we mean no, I’d like to talk about ways to decline, while still maintaining the relationship, helping others, and being true to ourselves.

For those of us who are incorrigible volunteerers, it’s helpful to first get some space between the request and our response. We can develop the habit of saying, “That sounds interesting. Let me think about it and get back to you.” Free of the pressure of pleasing/not disappointing someone, we can take time to examine our true feelings, and the reasons to accept or reject the offer. Helpful questions to consider are:

How will this work advance my goals or honor my values?
If I say yes, what must I say no to?
If I say, no, what is possible in its place for me?

Then we can check our calendar and see if there is actually time to satisfy the request!

Many times we feel there are just two possible choices – yes or no. In fact, there are usually other options if no is the appropriate answer. If asked to chair a committee, we can instead agree to serve on the committee. If asked to work on a long term project, we can offer to work on a time-limited portion of it. If asked to contribute to something we have no interest in, we can ask what other work is needed and see if anything does pique our interest. Is there someone else who might learn a skill, be better suited, or improve their position in the group by doing this instead of you? Suggesting an alternate individual can be just as helpful as saying yes.

Lastly, if contribution of any sort isn’t wise or possible, we can still acknowledge the efforts of the person who asked. “Even though I can’t participate, I believe in what you’re doing and appreciate your efforts,” goes a long way and provides a sense of encouragement that can be very helpful.

Too often, we fall prey to the same forces that mysteriously caused our hand to rise whenever volunteers were requested. Several years ago, a good friend asked me to coordinate a new project. Although I had no interest in it, I didn’t want to disappoint my friend – so I agreed. Without any inherent drive, my efforts didn’t go far and what I had wanted to avoid is exactly what resulted. My friend was disappointed, and I was disappointed in myself. Our relationship suffered as a result.

So rather than continuing to fill our already overcrowded lives, spend time on things that don’t serve us or our goals, or risk disappointing those who mean the most to us, let’s all improve our ability to say, “no.” It might be one of the most powerful skills we can acquire.

For more tips on saying no, see this blogpost: https://helanefronekmd.wordpress.com/2013/03/05/the-power-and-perfection-of-no/

Or check out Julie Hanks, LCSW’s ideas for saying no: http://www.juliehanks.com/2013/10/23/free-printable-helpful-ways-to-say-no/

Posted in effective communication in healthcare, honesty in medical care, physician coach, physician coaching, physician communication, physician fulfillment, physician work life balance, work life balance | Tagged leadership, physician coach, Physician coaching, Physician fulfillment, Physician work life balance, relationships, saying no | Leave a comment

What do you want in your suitcase?

Posted on February 10, 2015 by Helane Fronek

It’s been a busy few months, full of several wonderful trips. French Polynesia where we were rained on daily; hot, sunny Dominican Republic; Mammoth Mountain and its crisp days; and Philadelphia with bitter cold and wind. For each trip, I packed the same suitcase – but each time I put different things in it.

Similarly, each stage of our life requires different items in our suitcase. When we’re young, we might want a simple life – a light suitcase so we can easily move for the next opportunity. In my 20’s, I moved 8 times within 7 years. Material possessions certainly didn’t occupy much space in my life. When our children were small, suitcases held baby gear, toys, and lots of books for us to read. As the kids grew, sporting equipment figured more prominently. Transitioning into the field of physician coaching, I carried books and training manuals as I traveled to learn new skills to help my clients.

Even more than tangible items, we pack the suitcase of our life with activities. These, too, reflect what our roles are – professional, volunteer, parent, spouse, child, friend. As we accumulate activities from each of our roles, we can find ourselves burdened with long “to-do” lists. We may wonder why we ever agreed to these things.

That, actually, is a great question.

A wonderfully enthusiastic and committed physician client, whose schedule could be overwhelming, had difficulty declining positions she didn’t want. As a child, she felt trusted and competent when asked to take on new roles, so she developed a habit of saying yes, even when the work didn’t interest her. For others, the desire to be liked or to be a “team player,” or the fear of consequences if they say no, will mysteriously cause them to raise their hands whenever someone asks for help.

Recently, a lovely person asked if I would help with an intensive learning experience for medical students. Knowing how hard it is to get volunteers, and wanting to help this person who I admire and like a lot, I agreed. Once I returned home, it became clear that, not only was I not the ideal person for this role, it didn’t fit with the direction I wanted my professional life to grow.

There are many great reasons to agree to new activities, but as our lives change we should carefully consider what we really want to pack in our suitcase. Will the activity honor one of our values? Will it help us learn something important? Are we helping someone we care deeply about? Does it fit with what else is going on in our lives? Do we have the time and resources to do it?

As my wise brother-in-law recently shared, it’s often more important what we decide not to do, than what we decide to do. Let’s all take a look at our suitcases and see if we can lighten our load by unpacking those activities that don’t serve our vision for our life. Our trip will be a lot more fun if we do.

(Wondering how to say no to those things you would rather not do? Sign up for my blog and learn some great tips in my next post!)

Posted in mindfulness, physician coach, physician coaching, physician fulfillment, physician work life balance | Tagged leadership, medical career, perfectionism, physician coach, Physician coaching, Physician fulfillment, Physician work life balance, work life balance | Leave a comment

Doctors Coaching Doctors – Helane Fronek, MD Coaching and Consulting